My last six months....

Its been 6 months since i last wote my blog.I dont know what made me stop writting , may be it was by innate fear of overwhelmingly displaying my emotions. Even thought i am a quite straight foward in my dealing but since last8-9 months i had developed an intense fear of sharing my thoughts and a phobia of intimacy(which has disappeared now). May be it stemmed from the fear of rejection or press of rejection which was dwelling in my unconcious. What ever said and done these 6 months were full off ups and no downs...
so let me tell u about my 3 ups
1. Discovering my inner growing student--> god has been always graceful to me in giving me opportunities to grow and capture my dreams. One such dream which had been thriving in my heart was to teach in the same college from where i had finished my graduation. It is a very special place for me as it provided me conditions to be the person i wanted to be. It allowed me to spread my wings as far as i could with all the beautiful angels (my teachers) protecting my flight. I remember boasting to my friend during my masters years with full confidence that i am going to teach in Sophias and the question that was raised by them was what if there were no vacancies. I remember replying to one of them " if there is no vacancy i will create one". Fortunately thats turned out well and i got an offer from college even before i appeared for my masters second year. u can guess i was in heaven...
Even though i was overjoyed of being a part of my esteemed institution I was not prepared for what was to follow......to be a TEACHER...bcos i am not one. Its a word that is too heavy, respectfull and threathening. The student in me never allowed me to be a teacher.It was all a growing process with each day making me a more "mature student" than a teacher. I realized during my so called teaching sessions that it was difficult to be a teacher facing 80-90 students crumpled up, whispering all the time with their wide grins than to be a student who is still learning and trying to contribute to their knowledge. Thats what i did during my first year just contributed by having maximum discussions with theories and their applications. All this helped me in discovering my inner student and allowed me to grow.
2.Discovering my deisease--> you must be thinking why i have added this in my ups when most people would get unhappy to discover that they have some illness. But the thruth is before i discovered it, my health was quite miserable..i was suffering with extreme fatigue, weekness, memory loss,anxiety, burts of depression and extreme weight gain which made me feel even more frustrated. As it happens with all of us the "avoidance and denial syndrome"was guiding my behavior and i always attributed my symptoms to my stressful schedule and work. Until one day a student walked up to me after a lecture and as it is usually the case was complimenting on the kurta i was wearing after which she added" maam yur dark circles have increased..u look unwell..pls take care of ur self". I knew that came from genuie consern and i visited a doctor the very same day. Then came the series of test and a huge medical expense which made me aware of my deisease. So there it was, the root of all my suffering was my overblown Hypothyroidism. So if you have fatigue, weight gain, low motivation and ambition, heat and/or cold intolerance, headaches and migraines, dry skin and hair, irritability, anxiety and panic attacks, hair loss, fluid retention, depression, decreased memory and concentration, unhealthy nails, brittle nails, constipation, irritable bowel syndrome, low sex drive, insomnia, hives, asthma, allergies, slow healing, acne, or carpaltunnel syndrome, you may have a thyroid disorder. Life became smoother, enjoyable and much more liveable after its diagnosis and medications.
3. Discovering love--> now this is interesting..u dont know when cupid strikes u. I got engaged on 20th of March 2008. Even though it was an arranged set up( which is quite threathening) with me meeting him only 4 times before i made the decision to spend my entire life with him. But the old saying goes true "sometimes you just have to believe what u feel". All my anti marriage views disappeared like heat in heavy rainfall and it did not take me much time to rise in love.:):):):):)