Please dont misunderstand me --II

I am not a manipulator,
I have never manipulated
Its just my inner expressions
and my raw inexperience.

I am not polished,
I am not full of reverence,
I dont enjoy pretending,
I am just on a dead end:(

My frustation rises,
Helplessness prevails,
The thought of your thought process,
makes me feel sad:(

Happy Birthday :)

On your birthday I wish you love, luck, happiness and joy
I hope all your wishes come true,
And all you have is a beautiful life.

Once a year I get a chance to wish you happy birthday,
I am glad to tell you I think of you each day.
I hope you understand as another birthday goes,
How much you mean to me,
More than you can know.

This ones for my Maam. May you always have a beautiful, satisfied and happy life.

Beautiful...

This ones been taken from Tanuja Pawars blog.

Just 1 plea
Look into my eyes and then U will know...how much I love U... they will show...I cant get the words to tell U what i feel but lot's and lot's of love for U ....my heart silently conceal...In front of you.... i can't speak... i don't know why?May be my feelings are scared and my lips are shy..But my eyes always try to express.. my love for U...please learn the language of eyes ...So i can speak to you..they will tell U... that U dwell within me...when i close my eyes... You are the only one i see..they always wish that ur eyes will talk with them...not only my eyes but i also wish the same...my eyes want to convey... my feelings are true...please learn the language of eyes ...So i can speak to you..when u will learn the language of my eyes U will know how much I talk... and U will be surprise...the faster u'll learn... the better for me and Uplease learn the language of eyes ...So i can speak to you..
Copyright"Tanuja Pawar"

I HAVE LEARNED....

• Learn to trust people.
• Always respect others space.
• Always be humble.
• love unconditionally
• Dont underestimate others.
• Always give people a chance.
• Don't take people for granted.
• Believe in yourself.
• Learn to move on...its difficult ..but its a better choice.
• Failure is a beautiful lesson. It always have something better kept for u.
• Avoid complaining, since no one is interested in hearning your agony-(they have their own).
• Learn to forgive. Its difficult, but its a better option than staying with the pain forever.

My AGONY

When ever i think of u i feel hurt.
Where did i make a mistake,
where was the spurt???????

हमसफ़र

कितना प्यारा है यह मेरा हमसफ़र
ज़िन्दगी का सफर सुहाना बना गया
रास्तों के कांटे फूलों से सजा कर
चलने का राह हसीन बना गया

दूर हो कर भी है वोह कितना पास
आंखें की निंदिया चूरा गया
रंगीले सपने दिखा कर
जीवन का मोह दिला गया

कितना करू में और इंतजार
टिक टिक चाले धीरज से यह वक़्त
दिल को और में कितना सहलू
लगे सालो का यह मिलाप

To my Love…..

Your love makes me smile,
Your love makes me sing,
Your love makes be dance,
Your love takes my mind in a beautiful trance.

Your love is a blessing,
Your love is my medicine,
Your love makes my desires pile,
Your love makes my journey of life worth while.

Your love gives me wings to fly my flight high,
Your love gives me hope that makes me rise,
Your love gives me courage to conquer my fears,
Your love gives me support to wash out my tears.

Your kind warmth embraces my soul,
Your gentle speech sings in my ears,
Your sparkling eyes make my day bright,
Your tender kiss makes my spirit rise.

Our love is a sacred flame that will burn forever
It is the rain that will always pour,
It is the wind with a passionate blow,
It is the heart whose beat roar.

Together we will always stay,
Forever, forever, forever……

This ones from my love....
Before I sleep I think of you
When I wake I think of you
All I can think about is how much
I truely do love you

Each & every dayI only think of you
At night when I prayI pray just for you
And I will always love you no matter what they say
Remember I am here for you each & every day

And if Tomorrow Never Comes
I Know That You Are Mine
Our Love Is Eternal
And ever through all time .. =)

Please don't misunderstand me......- I

I don’t know what makes u angry,
I don’t know what makes u feel bad,
The only thing I know is true,
I just want to see u glad.

I never wanted to disturb u,
I never thought of interference,
It just your apathy,
You kill me with your indifference.

I may not be the best daughter,
I may not be the best student or wife,
I hope u understand my plight,
I want nothing but your knowledgeable light.

I know you are always busy,
I know your time is very precious,
But a few words with some one who cares,
Will not make your life scarce.

It hurts when u ignore,
Its hurts when u overlook,
Don’t slay me with your silence,
The wounds are irreparable.

Please don’t misunderstand my words,
Please don’t make me feel at fault,
My heart can not take the guilt,
It brings my world to halt.

I want to see your real self,
I want to feel your warmth,
Please don’t disturb me with your silence,
It breaks my ever growing resilience.

Just another BLAST

Some times i feel are we just getting used to bomb blasts, vandalism, riots and natural disasters. Is this something new for us? "Nothing affect us " is our mantra. Are we really brave or are we rationalizing our conditions to cope with our helplessness?

So now it Jaipur on the target. The royal pink city, which has captured the new channels, after death shadowed it.In the past three years, this is the 21st terror attack outside Jammu & Kashmir. This time cycles were used as weapons. Similar cycle blasts on September 8, 2006, in Malegaon, Maharashtra, had killed 38 people during a Muslim festival day. Bombs on cycles were also used for the attack on the Faizabad court. The Malegaon attacks were blamed on LeT and the banned Students' Islamic Movement of India. This time the blasts are being linked to Harkat ul-Jihad Islami(HuJI) which is a bangladeshi based terror outfit.

Who are these terrorist?I am sure they dont belong to any caste, religion, creed , nation or even the human race. Because killing is an instinctual act where no rationality is involved. A human who relies only on his instict is a lesser human and more of a beast. But i dont know if to curse them as they are all " MENTALLY SICK".So may god help them from their suffering mind and give insight into their henious acts.

" Terrorism can kill humans, but not the spirit of human life".

MOTHERS WEEK- IS IT REALLY A HAPPY MOTHERS DAY

Hi all, just read this news in mumbai mirror in the mothers day week
Mumbai Mirror Bureau

Eight days ago Gyananda Phulli tried to throw her four year old son from their fourth floor flat at Welfare Society, Annie Besant Road, Worli. She was stopped at the last minute by her neighbour Anita Sasane. This was the only clue to Phulli's disturbed state of mind. But her family chose to ignore the warning signs. On Thursday night, the 23-year-old once again threw down her son in a fit of rage and this time little Rishikesh was not so lucky.Neighbours say she frequently fought with her husband and othersEarly Saturday morning little Rishikesh who had been admitted to KEM hospital with severe concussion and multiple fractures succumbed to his injuries. Police say the 23 year old who has since been arrested suffered bouts of rage on account of her turbulent relationship with her husband, a peon at the MLA hostel at CST. The two had married five years ago against their parents’ wishes, so they did not have an extended support system. Their son was often the point of argument and Gyananda, who is said to be an alcoholic, would threaten to harm him if Ramesh did not mend his ways. Afraid that the child might come to harm, their neighbour Anita Sasane had actually taken the child away and handed him over to another family that lived on the ground floor. However, on Thursday, Gyanada brought the child back. The same night, she and her husband fought again, and this time she threw the child from the floor. Manisha Salunkhe, a 29-year-old woman who lives in the adjacent flat and who informed the police, said, “Gyanada had an alcohol problem and used to often beat up the child after getting drunk.
Gyananda who flung her son from this (circled) floorFed up with this, her husband had even gone to live with his mother at a nearby colony. However, he had returned a few days ago. Gyanada often used to get into fights with neighbours too. She even picked fights with me.”“Initially we booked her for causing grievous injuries to her son, but we did not arrest her as she was not well and in a state of shock. Now the charge has been converted to that of murder,” said Senior Inspector Bharat Worlikar of Worli police station.

"The hand that rocks the craddle, cracks the skull."

Is this the spirit of motherhood? I know for sure that this lady has killed her motherhood long back even before she killed her child. It just very frightening to think of the act being done by a mother so let us all attribute it to her mental condition...that may give us solace...atleast me.

A Beautiful relationship between a Teacher and a Student-->TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE

It’s very rare; I complete a book once I start it. This book kept me alive every moment. It pricked every cell in my body and my tear glands could not stop watering till the last page.
It’s a beautiful conversation between an old dying teacher (Morrie Schwartz) and his middle age student ( Mitch Albom) about the meaning of life. I wonder how many of us are lucky to have such wonderful teachers sparing their precious time to teach us lessons of life. A teacher who would guide you through the light of their knowledge without making you feel obligated to them. A teacher who would be more of a friend than a mere symbol of knowledge. We all are somewhere looking out for teachers in our lives to give clarity to our confused and tortured souls. On a second taught, I don’t see such a teacher surviving in Indian context. I may sound a little pessimistic on this one but there are reasons why I am saying this.
First is the issue of respect--> In our country a teacher is often revered and looked up towards. He or she is considered to be superior and not equal. Thus if a student were to be friendly with their teacher it could be interpreted as disrespect. In this book Tuesday with Morrie, Mitch often addresses Morrie by his name “Morrie” or in a friendly term as “Coach”. In our culture it would be almost considered a sin to call our teachers by their first name.”Maam” or “Sir” is more appropriate.
The issue of sparing their personal time--> Why would anyone want to spare their personal time for the personal growth of other. Also most teachers may not consider the other person’s personal growth as important, as it is not tangible. It is something that happens within a person which one can not see and thus they may consider the conversation as futile.
But on a more positive note, I am sure there are teachers who are waiting to teach their students to learn lessons of life.
In this touching book, Morrie is suffering from a life threatening illness called ALS, a detoriating neurological condition which has no cure. So when Mitch comes to know about his teacher’s illness through a television channel, he can’t keep himself away from his old teacher.


Morrie speaks about different aspects of life like love, forgiveness, family, marriage, culture, and death. With regard to Adult life crisis morrie speaks about the tensions of opposites.

He says” life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something’s hurt you, yet you know it shouldn’t. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.”

“A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle”.

With regard to love and emotions-->
“Love wins. Love wins all”.

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in..”

“Sometimes you cannot believe what you see; you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too-even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.”

“Without love we are birds with broken wings”

“Don’t cling to things, because everything is impermanent. Learn to detach”

“Wash yourself with emotion. It won’t hurt you”

“Don’t let go soon, but don’t hang on too long”

The most beautiful thing in this book is the chemistry between Morrie and Mitch. On the last Tuesday when Mitch meets Morrie, Morrie’s last words to Mitch are “ love…you”, and Mitch replies “ I love you , too, Coach”. I wonder how many teachers may have ever told their student that they love them. It very common for students walking up to their teachers and displaying their love but not many teachers are sensitive enough to value their student’s emotions. That’s what I think is special about Mitch and Morrie.

“ A teacher affects eternity; she can never know where her influence lie”

My last six months....

Its been 6 months since i last wote my blog.I dont know what made me stop writting , may be it was by innate fear of overwhelmingly displaying my emotions. Even thought i am a quite straight foward in my dealing but since last8-9 months i had developed an intense fear of sharing my thoughts and a phobia of intimacy(which has disappeared now). May be it stemmed from the fear of rejection or press of rejection which was dwelling in my unconcious. What ever said and done these 6 months were full off ups and no downs...
so let me tell u about my 3 ups
1. Discovering my inner growing student--> god has been always graceful to me in giving me opportunities to grow and capture my dreams. One such dream which had been thriving in my heart was to teach in the same college from where i had finished my graduation. It is a very special place for me as it provided me conditions to be the person i wanted to be. It allowed me to spread my wings as far as i could with all the beautiful angels (my teachers) protecting my flight. I remember boasting to my friend during my masters years with full confidence that i am going to teach in Sophias and the question that was raised by them was what if there were no vacancies. I remember replying to one of them " if there is no vacancy i will create one". Fortunately thats turned out well and i got an offer from college even before i appeared for my masters second year. u can guess i was in heaven...
Even though i was overjoyed of being a part of my esteemed institution I was not prepared for what was to follow......to be a TEACHER...bcos i am not one. Its a word that is too heavy, respectfull and threathening. The student in me never allowed me to be a teacher.It was all a growing process with each day making me a more "mature student" than a teacher. I realized during my so called teaching sessions that it was difficult to be a teacher facing 80-90 students crumpled up, whispering all the time with their wide grins than to be a student who is still learning and trying to contribute to their knowledge. Thats what i did during my first year just contributed by having maximum discussions with theories and their applications. All this helped me in discovering my inner student and allowed me to grow.
2.Discovering my deisease--> you must be thinking why i have added this in my ups when most people would get unhappy to discover that they have some illness. But the thruth is before i discovered it, my health was quite miserable..i was suffering with extreme fatigue, weekness, memory loss,anxiety, burts of depression and extreme weight gain which made me feel even more frustrated. As it happens with all of us the "avoidance and denial syndrome"was guiding my behavior and i always attributed my symptoms to my stressful schedule and work. Until one day a student walked up to me after a lecture and as it is usually the case was complimenting on the kurta i was wearing after which she added" maam yur dark circles have increased..u look unwell..pls take care of ur self". I knew that came from genuie consern and i visited a doctor the very same day. Then came the series of test and a huge medical expense which made me aware of my deisease. So there it was, the root of all my suffering was my overblown Hypothyroidism. So if you have fatigue, weight gain, low motivation and ambition, heat and/or cold intolerance, headaches and migraines, dry skin and hair, irritability, anxiety and panic attacks, hair loss, fluid retention, depression, decreased memory and concentration, unhealthy nails, brittle nails, constipation, irritable bowel syndrome, low sex drive, insomnia, hives, asthma, allergies, slow healing, acne, or carpaltunnel syndrome, you may have a thyroid disorder. Life became smoother, enjoyable and much more liveable after its diagnosis and medications.
3. Discovering love--> now this is interesting..u dont know when cupid strikes u. I got engaged on 20th of March 2008. Even though it was an arranged set up( which is quite threathening) with me meeting him only 4 times before i made the decision to spend my entire life with him. But the old saying goes true "sometimes you just have to believe what u feel". All my anti marriage views disappeared like heat in heavy rainfall and it did not take me much time to rise in love.:):):):):)